YEAR 2014 MADE ME STRUGGLE OR PROBABLY IT WOULD BE MORE ACCURATE TO SAY THAT I STRUGGLED AND TRUDGED THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE 2014.
SOMEHOW IT WAS BETTER THAN 2013 BUT JUST BECAUSE I CONSTRAINED MYSLEF IN PLACES AND SITUATIONS WHERE I DIDN’T HAVE THE FREEDOM TO LET MY DEMONS OUT.
ALMOST EVERY TIME I HAD THAT FREEDOM, I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF IT, ALLOWING MY BAD KARMA TO LEAD MY ACTIONS.
I’M TRYING MY BEST TO SOLVE THIS SAD SITUATION OF ME, TO BE A BETTER PERSON, TO REHABILITATE MY VITAL STATE, MY GOOD VIBE, MY HEALTHY THOUGHTS.
ONE THING IS TO BE A CERTAIN KIND OF PERSON, ANOTHER THING IS TO CONSTANTLY TRY TO BE IN THAT CERTAIN KIND OF WAY, STRUGGLING TO ACHIVE THAT SPECIFIC STATE.
TO CONTINUOUSLY TRY TO BE SOMEONE ELSE.
IS THIS REALLY THE BEST WAY TO LIVE ?
IS THIS HOW HUMANS SPEND THEIR EXISTENCES ON THIS PLANET?
ALWAYS FIGHTING AGAINST THEIR DEMONS?
FOR SURE I KNOW THAT I DON’T WANT TO TOTALLY EMBRACE MY DEMONS AND BE MASTERED BY THEM. I’M NOT BRAVE ENOUGH, I’M AFRAID TO DIE, TO SUFFER, TO FAIL, TO BE LOST AND THERE IS STILL SOMETHING INSIDE ME THAT DOEN’T LET ME GIVE UP THE HOLY SPIRIT INHABITING MY BODY.
SO WHAT ABOUT 2015?
WHAT ABOUT MY DEMONS?
WHAT THEY REALLY ARE? WHERE DO THEY WANNA BRING ME?
THE PLEASURE, THIS IS THE ONE AND ONLY ANSWER.
THE PLEASURE IS THE FULFILLMENT OF PHYSICAL DESIRES OR AMBITIONS. IN THE MOST CURRENT MEANING THE WORD PLEASURE IS SYNONYMOUS OF ENJOYMENT, DELIGHT, FRUITION, EXALTATION OF THE SENSES.
TO AMPLIFY, INCREASE, MODIFY, TWIST, FALSIFY OR SENSES.
SOCIAL NETWORKS ARE A CLEAR EXAMPLE OF WHAT I MEAN.
DATING NETWORKS ARE EVEN CLOSER TO THE POINT, ADDING THE SEXUAL COMPONENT TO THE SOCIAL MEDIA WHERE SEX BECOMES THE ONLY REASON OF ITS USE.
ALCOHOL, CIGARETTES, DRUGS, FOOD, FASHION, BEAUTY, LUXURY.
YOU CAN HAVE IT, YOU CAN TRY IT, YOU CAN ENJOY, BUY OR HAVE IT FOR FREE. YOU CAN HAVE MORE, YOU CAN ASK FOR ELSE, YOU CAN HAVE WHAT YOU WANT, YOU WILL HAVE IT NEW, YOU WILL HAVE IT BETTER, THEY WILL GIVE YOU THE BEST.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR !?!
LIFE IS SHORT !!
JUST DO IT !!
OPEN HAPPINESS !!
THINK DIFFERENT !!
FOR A SUCCESSFUL LIVING !!
I’M LOVING IT !!
BECAUSE I’M WORTH IT !!
…AND THERE YOU GO…
…AND HERE I AM, AT BLEICHERSTRASSE 27, ON THE LAST DAY OF THE YEAR, THINKING ABOUT MY LIFE, TRYING TO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING, TO FIGURE OUT, TO REMEMBER, TO COMPARE, TO RECKON WITH WHAT I’VE DONE, TO DEAL WITH WHAT I’VE LOST OR SEARCHED OR FOUND OR LET GO.
I’M NOT PROUD OF THE LAST 5 YEARS OF MY LIFE, NOT AT AL AND AT THE SAME TIME I CANNOT IMMAGINE TO SPEND ANOTHER YEAR LIKE THAT.
AT THE SAME TIME I FEEL THAT I CANNOT REACH SUCH CHANGE BY MYSLEF AND OFTEN I THINK THAT I NEED A HELP….
…AND I KNOW IT’S STUPID TO ASK FOR A HELP, TO WANT TO BE SAVED, BECAUSE WE ARE THE ONE AND ONLY ABLE TO HELP OURSELVES.
AT LAST, AT THE END OF THIS 2014, AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS NEW YEAR, WHAT I REALLY HOPE, WHAT I WANT WITH ALL MY MIGHT, WHAT I DEEPLY PRAY FOR, IT’S TO FIND THE STRENGTH, THE FORTITUDE, THE FAITH TO GO ON THE RIGHT DIRECTION, WHATEVER THIS MEANS.
I CRAVE, I BEGM I IMPLORE MYSLEF, MY LIFE, GOD, THE HOLY SPIRIT, THE NATURE, THE UNIVERSE, TO HELP ME TO FIND MY WAY ON THIS PLANET AND TO BE THE MAN THAT I FEEL I CAN BE.
I KNOW THIS IS NOT A RESOLUTION NOR A GOOD INTENTION BUT IT’S EXACTLY WHAT I RESOLUTELY NEED. URGENTLY.
TO FIND A RISOLUTIVE INTENTION.
HAPPY NEW YEAR
ANDREAMARIAMIRABILE