Today I really got it
...and this happened just because I was calm and I had nothing to loose.
To be calm and to have nothing to loose should be two basic states of mind of human race in order to rise up the comprehension of our environment (relations and events).
For sure, on one side, there is my tendency to overestimate the potential of people and consequently to fall in love too often.
On the other side my inability of compromise myself in order to take advantages.
Then, almost always, everything turns out to be exactly what it really is.
In the end (and this is the latest news) I also deeply understood that the majority of people don't give a damn fuck to evolve (if is not a professional evolution in order to feel successful) to challenge their soul, to understand the others (if is not to take advantage of their weaknesses).
Once in a while I must thank virtuality and my little stupid tools. It's always nice to see someone in front of me so sure to fake it really good thinking that I am stupid enough.
Till now, in all the kind of relations I had, this was the only positive aspect of virtuality even though was also the way to reach that knowledge that killed the love inside my heart, revealing the things for what they really are.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to don't repeat my mistakes in future, I don't know if I'm really able to change myself, to close my feelings and thoughts somewhere in order to achieve something or obtain something.
Right now (and it's not going to be forever) I just regret the last two years of my life, the decisions I took, the pain on my back and I hope that this fucking five months will pass as fast as they can, cause I just want to forgive and forget and go on, cause I'm still curious about the future and happy to make some moves.
...this is the first time in my life I regret something... I hope it will never happen again.
