Yesterday night I started to meditate at two.
I was not able to sleep, something nagged at me.
I struggled through the daimoku.
During the gongyo, at three, I had a vision. I had to stop and to go out at the balcony.
I calmed down, I started again the ceremony from the beginning.
I had the same vision, so clear, so bad.
I fought to be able to finish the ceremony.
I runned out my flat, I needed to go out, to breath, to leave that vision away.
I pushed the red botton outside my door in order to switch on the light of the entrance.
The bulb exploded in a flash. like always in this situations.
I runned out even faster.
At the intersection of my street with the railroad I met him.
I was not even able to say hello or something.
He turned his head towards me, with that eyes that I don't like.
I was not really able to breath, like sofocating, like when I had asma in my childhood.
I arrived in the wood behind my house. It was very dark.
And then I saw him, I saw it, with that big eyes, like in my vision.
I don't know what this means.
Sometimes I just would like to change my past, to avoid some people.
But I trust, I have faith.
I hate when people around me who claims to sleep with me they don't understand me or believe me.
I hate when people around me who claims to sleep with me they don't even wash the dishes after I coocked for them.
I hate when people around me who claims to sleep with me they don't even prepare me a coffee in the morning.
I wonder why that people continue to claim things. Like vampires, not able to handle their solitudes.
I miss my sister.
Coincidences.
