I was used to have a person sleeping beside me.
Or, cause I'm a dancer and I'm always around, even if he was not beside me, I was sure he was going to be soon, as soon as possible.
This was for six years of my life.
I was sure to have someone there just for me, and me just for him.
Do you know what I mean?
And, yes, I have a lot of friends, a lot of sweet lovers around, a lot of special people, I'm lucky, I know it. But this is not the same, if you know what I mean.
Just to underline that even if it looks easy, even if I look easy (as I'm used to) well... it's not, not at all.
I was used to have a father also. For thirty years, yes.
He was a doctor and anytime I was not feeling good (and maybe I was around, alone, cause, yes, I'm a dancer) I called him and he told me what to do, how to do it, to be better soon. With his warm voice, with his outrageous green eyes, always kidding me for some reason, making me laugh.
I miss him a lot even if (as a father) I lost him ten years ago.
I miss someone that tell me that everything is gonna be alright, someone to trust in.
Mi manchi papà. Tantissimo.
...I was used to have a sister...
but I'm also used to loose her around occasionally...
Now is one of those moments.
I was used to have a bestfriend.
Where is now? I dont' know. And I know is a busy time.
It's morning here in Luzern, still really dark outside.
I woke up really early after a strange dream. I realized that for the first time I'm much more alone than before.
It's ok. I will stand it... just... I'm not that used to it.
This can looks sad, and in a way it is, cause I miss, I miss all this things, but at the same time is a great oportunity for me, to be alone, to think about what I did recently and less recently, all the bullshits that I said, and that I continue to shout out.
Sometimes is good to do that.
I need to write this in a blog, to share this with a random public, to recieve random answers, to feel less lonly probably, to vent myself maybe, or also because I belive in the power of words, since I'm young.
I believe, I was used to believe, and at least, this is the only thing that is not going to change and I'm not going to loose.